New space

Dearest readers, I have created a new blog, but this blog will still be functioning. This blog is my private space where I can cry oout at any one time. Please let not the existance of this blog be let known k. But you still can go there to read :)))

Here's the url:

http://independently-dependent-on-me.blogspot.com/

Enjoy!

Vivo-city

 Being back in school is really not a good thing for me. during the holidays, I made countless decisions which I feel is best for myself.

I do not know if my decisions are right, but I will follow my heart for my heart is now ruled by God. His ‘stay’ in me has helped me to grow stronger and braver. I can see that I have changed now that I have accepted Christ into my life. Every morning, I get up from my bed only to look forward to the miracles I will see for the day. To see things happening the way I pray for them to. During my day, all that fills my mind is God and His motivation for me to strive towards excellence. His words and His love is all that fills up in my conversations with others. He is so alive and so real to me now. As the days go by, I have already fallen in love with this Prince Charming of mine, and I know I am never going to let go.

Making this decision is a little tough for me, as I am the first Christian in my family. I am the first to have a relationship with God and I am the first to start off my walk with him. I want to see my family safe, I want them to be saved one day. As the saying goes: when one member in the family is saved, the whole family is saved. I want them to be blessed even though they think what I am doing is wrong. This is because my God does not judge people by their race, or religion. He is not bias towards anyone. The Devil is at work now, and he is making things very difficult for me. so difficult that time and again I can only find myself breaking down all alone. No one can help to strengthen my heart except myself. I need to be strong and stay brave to shelter God in my heart, to give him a new sanctuary.

Went to vivo on Thursday with Justin. We had the best times of our lives. I think I will let the pictures tell you all. 

Us at the balcony. A nice place for dating seriously. haha.

He forced me into these! Gosh!

We acted as though we had a very bad childhood the minute we stepped into Toys 'R' Us. haha. Fun!

Playground!

I really enjoyed my day with this guy. No matter what nonsense I have, or what funny ideas I have, or funny things that I wish to do, he will just do it with me.

I love you, my dearest brother :)

Updates

Tell me if I am really living in a world of illusions and untruth. Wake me up from that sleep because I don’t wish to continue holding on to false hopes that will never be true even if I were to be willing to give up everything. Things has changed so much that sometimes I wonder what is going on. God must be answering to my call. He must have heard my countless prayers so many times every night that now he is giving me the answers. If we don’t ask, God don’t give. But when we ask, we can expect to receive. As it is so stated in the bible.

I am so happy because I got so many things sorted out today. I have decided to stop hiding and be more open to this world. like what darling auntie debbie says: if I am going to worship God, it is a good thing. But if I were to be going to service and yet I have to lie to my parents, although it may seem to be a good thing, but the fact that I am not being honest no longer makes it a good thing anymore. That should not be the way. I promise to be good from today onwards.

At the same time, I am also unhappy because I realize how much words can hurt a person. I never knew until I experience it for myself. People say things in a very direct manner and unknowingly, they just ‘kill’ some people just like that. The feeling is not nice. Shall not continue. The experience is bad.

Before I end off, I wish to thank God for all that he has blessed me with. I used to think that everything was coincidence, everything happened by chance, and everything was determined by fate. But I was so wrong. Time and again, miracles has been showered on me, and my prayers have time and again been answered. It is no longer coincidence. God is blessing me. it is God’s blessings. I can never run away from this fact anymore. As the days pass, I have learnt to love Him more and more. So much that I seem to have forgotten that very someone who has taken my heart. Though I am faced with lots of objections and problems, I promise to stand firm and to stay strong. You gave me the will, the courage, the strength and the hope to want to move on no matter how touch it is going to be. Because you chose to believe in me, have faith in me. you have gained my trust through your undying love for me. God I give my all to you.

Won’t you Lord

Take a look at our hands

Everything we have

Use it for your plan

Won’t you Lord

Take a look at our hearts

Mould it, refine it, as You set us apart

We want to run to the altar

And catch the fire, to stand in the gap

Between the living and the dead

Give us a heart of compassion

For a world without vision

We will make a difference

Bringing hope to our land

We will answer the call

To build this church without walls

Let Your glory be shown

Bring salvation to the lost, to the lost

updates

How I wish life can be much simpler for me. a life where you can understand me better, where you can be bothered to sit down for ages and listen to me speak, where I can ask for nothing more than just you by my side.

People is never once contented with whatever they have. Like what my colleague said today, the grass is always greener at the other end. It is so true. People living in the city will always think that life in the countryside is so much cooler, and simpler. For those who live in the countryside, they always desire to lead the life of those in the city because they think it is much funkier. This is life. It is only human to think this way. If you don’t think this way, I won’t say that you are not human, but just that somehow it is good that you are able to find contentment in life. I feel happy for you.

Went out with Justin and lizzy yesterday. It was quite an experience. We met at plaza sing because our darling boy misses the Indonesian food there. Before that, I had a meeting with the big boss and he treated me to coffee and muffin. The muffin was very good. But after drinking the coffee, I had such a bad headache and my muscles started to stiffen up. Don’t ask me what is wrong with me. I always have such reaction when I take thick coffee. The feeling was so terrible. Good thing for me, I had panadol with me, which previously Justin pestered me to get when I had headache. I took it and felt much better after that. Then when we were at plaza sing, I didn’t want to eat initially because I wanted to have a break. But when Justin knew that I was not eating, he started to scold and nag at me. he was so insistent that I eat, that suddenly I can sense some displeasure in him. Goodness. Of course, I gave in. we both ate Indonesian food which was awesome. Then we strolled down to taka for mooncake samplings. Lizzy was initially not very interested in the mooncake samplings as she thought it was so cheapskate. She did not think that such free stuffs can bring so much joy into us. But she just followed us along. on the way down to taka, Justin and I kept disturbing one another that suddenly lizzy went: the next time I come out with you, I am going to bring a cane. Whoever says the other person will get caned. Haha. cute little lizzy. We went on to sample the mooncakes and we managed to complete walking through everything within half an hour. Oh yes! Did I mention? I met joe once again. This is the second time within a month that I met him by coincidence. Really wish to be able to catch up with him. But then again, I wonder if I am being sensitive, but Justin stared at me when I smiled at joe and almost walked over to him. Opps! Oh yes, then after sampling, Eunice an debbie came to find us. Then they went down to cine for dinner at yoshinoya. There, weird things happened too. I don’t think I want to blog about it, but if you ask me, I may tell you J heh. Well, nothing important too anyway.

I am so glad to know this bunch of people who have been pushing me to go home early and to obey my parents and not to let them down. How I just wish my parents know they are such kind of people. but then again, when will they listen?

Frustration is overwhelming me

Things would have been different if only you listened.

I have tried my very best to talk, to get close to you. But you chose to shut yourself off from me. You refused to listen to my explanations. I am tired. I really am.